February Dare Count

I'm not feeling the typical tally this month for a couple of reasons:

1. I accomplished nothing on my list this month.
2. I feel more compelled to express myself.

To address reason number one, I am working on one dare, but cannot yet claim the dare as completed. I also dared myself to keep running. The 10K dare became a springboard and gave me  confidence to say yes to running a 5 mile race over Memorial Day weekend. I put my running shoes back on and have been dodging icy patches for the past couple weeks. Finally, some of the other dares are better suited for warmer weather (see: skydiving and zip lining).

Next, I am on to my compelling need to express. The past couple weeks have been darker than usual for me. While typically a month thought of for lovers, February, for me, brings an anniversary of sexual violence (if that's a surprise, remember this dare's blog post; I'm a trendsetter, Scott Brown). I can never predict how I will handle this each year. However, I found myself this year too tired from an overbooked schedule and too weary from snow shoveling to squelch my darker reflections. Dark reflections and a [somewhat] active dating life are not a good combination.

I have been confronted/comforted by lots of friendly advice:

• There is someone for everyone.
• You have to kiss a lot of frogs.
• There is a lid for every pot.

This advice is heartfelt, but given by those who know just as little about the way this works as the friend consoled. Truly, it is my fault for asking. None of us have a crystal ball. It is an unfair position for friends. I'm sorry to those that I've tortured with my whining this month (oh, and all those other months too).

Regardless, I am feeling brokenhearted and mourning the fullness used to be here. How could this sneak up on me over a year later when I was coasting along so well?! I guess that doesn't really matter, but what does is that I know what type of partnership I want. I am remaining hopeful, although presently deflated, that I will get what I want in life even if statistically that isn't logical. My dare to myself, in addition to running 5 miles in May, is to remain hopeful, even if my optimism wanes.

DARE: Be hopeful; logic be damned.