Begin a spritual journey (Julie Ellis)

I'm on it, Jules. Thank you for opening the space for me to reflect and giving the permission that I sometimes need to focus on matters not tangible. I'm not finished with this and don't intend to be, but as one of the dearest people to me, I will keep you posted along the way, and I look forward to hearing about your journey too.

Reflection: Are you a human being or a human doing? 

These words have haunted me for 13 years. I returned home from my first year at college and met with a woman I considered to be mentor and unconditional supporter. We sipped coffee and caught up about the events of the preceding 9 months. Topics included: starting college, surviving the freshman dormitory, losing my driver’s license for too many speeding tickets, starting a job as a chemical dependency counselor, making dozens of new friends, and volunteering in my new found community. I found myself busier and more active than ever. It was good time in my life. Then, she posed the question – are you a human BE-ing, or a human DO-ing? I froze. I had never considered that there is a distinction. My eyes teared up, and she probed deeper, questioning what in my life was solely for me and allowed me space for reflection and appreciation. Our conversation continued, but the question was never fully resolved for me. At 31, after 13 full years of living since then, my mind often wanders back to this question. Am I human being or a human doing?

More often, I silently, shamefully answer – DO-ing.  There is guilt that I keep busy and do not leave much open space. Although I would consider most of my tasks worthy activities. There is personal judgment that Be-ing would be the preferred way to live. Wouldn’t everyone want to be in the BE-ing category? So, I kept the question and my DO-ing to myself. Although as I age, I see my true nature more and although I cannot fully understand it, I can accept it for what it is. Without shame, I am a human being that is doing. In my doing, I express my being. In action, I confirm and shape my inner being.

I am not through wrestling with this question, but I can say today I am no longer haunted by it.