Paint a portrait of someone you love or loved (Anna Ellis)

This is a great idea and perfect for me. Few of you know (and I know Anna did not) about my painting adventures my last year in Raleigh. I'd hop on my bike armed with small canvasses, paints and brushes and hang out in Moore Square or another downtown park painting. Sometimes I'd be on my own; sometimes I could convince a friend to give painting a try. That period did not produce any masterpieces for public sale, but it did let me express my creative side and explore something new. I had forgotten about that fun, and I think this dare taps into that me of long ago. Yes, it really was 8 years ago that I lived in Raleigh!

I was very excited when I went to the store to buy supplies. I was not sure what I wanted to create, but I knew I wanted to use paint and that this was going to be fun. I came home, got myself settled, and stared at a blank canvass. Who do I paint? Since I kept asking myself this questions over and over again without an answer, I posed it to my roommate; who do I paint? I explained to her that I didn't know who I loved more than anyone else that I would commit it to canvass. I question:

• If I paint one person, does that devalue my feeling for other important people in my life? 
• Do I go totally psychotherapy and paint myself? 
• Do I become that crazy dog lady and paint Lola?
• Should I paint an inspirational figure, such as Jimmy Carter (yeah, I mean that)?
• Now I wonder, if I think too much and I should just feel it?
• If I am this conflicted do I paint a question mark just to finish it?

How do I ever get anything done with this constant thinking? Still, I am left with, who do I paint? I have mulled this over for a while and spoken with a few friends and I realized that I cannot complete this dare right now, not in the way it was intended.

I have painted a "portrait" with many, many (stick) people of equal stature against a backdrop of the many phase of my life bleeding into each other. That is the best I have right now. If I can find a better answer to who do I paint, I will paint another. The inability to thoroughly answer this question does haunt me a little. However, I know this is just where I am right now and I can only embrace it cheerfully. 

Thanks for the soul search, Anna!